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Talk:Attrition of War/@comment-5245439-20140729211427
So this is how the desert in Orre was created? I love Pokemon Colosseum. I'm not going to lie, I was scratching my head at "I'm 25 and my children are 12 and 13". So the dude was 12 when he decided to make a baby and had enough money to be in singing contests with them? But of course when you mentioned "Protect", I instantly knew it was Pokemon. Who is Hel based off of? I don't recall any journals being in Agate Village. Is he supposed to be Eagun's grandfather or something? Eagun's the best. (second to evil villain Wes - if you haven't heard of the theory that Wes was supposed to be the villain in XD/Colosseum 2, I suggest you Google it). Now, on to the story - really isn't anything special, almost seems like a Last Of Us-esqe story with Pokemon included. I actually haven't played Last Of Us, but based on what I've heard I'm guessing the character with kid story is similar to this. So Hel goes through three conflicts, the last with Gardevoir being the most important, and the first two are alright - he gets his Potion in the end, though honestly I think it would've been more realistic if Caroline had died and the man wasn't lucky enough to have "nanites", AKA Potion. I would've liked that direction a lot more for this pasta, this seems too movie magic and everything works out in the end! I mean, what's the point of Hel being so cautious about everything when he seems to have Plot Armor equipped. Which brings me to the supposed realism about this. The end seems like a pretty realistic conflict, Hel had the drop on them so they lost sight of their hostage, whch happens to be a fucking Gardevoir so of course it goes after them, but it honestly would've been more realistic if Caroline had died, and when Hel and Daria came to Gardevoir, they assessed their chances and found that they couldn't have won. And so Gardevoir gets, well, raped. Wouldn't that be beastiality? Jesus that soldier was fucked up. This may be a dark assessment of things, but you created a dark world and didn't really explore it (besides the scant rape bit I mentioned earlier). They got to Agate and happily ever after until Cipher comes to steal Pokemon! (Or maybe it's set after Colosseum? I didn't think about that either tbh, that would be pretty cool too.) Hel was a "family" man, but he wasn't very interesting besides that. There wasn't much personality besides "War is bad!" and "I need to take care of my girls!". The most interesting thing about him was that his name was basically "Hell Asunder", which I assume you were going for with the whole war theme. Rating: 5/10, alright, not CPotM material in my eyes, but to each their own. Sorry for being so harsh, I guess I went into full-on critic mode for this.